In previous articles, we spoke of the power of different manipulative techniques, which, when it works – fortunately it is not always the case – causes barriers to fall and the level of vigilance of the ‘target’ to be lowered.
As a reminder, this text, like all the previous ones and all those that will follow, is of course not intended to provide ideas on how to rip off one’s neighbour. Its purpose is to make you aware of what some people are capable of, consciously or not, in order to encourage you to act.
When it comes to selfish manipulations, there are many ways of doing it. Let’s recall that the use of these tools starts from an intention relying on personal interest, without necessarily wanting to make the « victim »‘s situation worse off. What happens to the « target » is in fact the least of the manipulator’s worries. It is nevertheless true that the situation of the « target » can sometimes deteriorate drastically and cause damage. So let’s not delude ourselves, the use of these techniques can in no way be attributed to any benevolence, even if the « prey » sees its context improving.
To illustrate the point of this text, let’s imagine the following situation. It is the end of November and you work for a company listed on the stock exchange. It publishes its results every three months and hopes to optimize the value of its shares. As this depends largely on the market’s perception, it is important to maximise results: turnover, profit margin, market share… As a sales representative, you are instructed to take in as many orders as possible before the end of the year, even if some of them will not be processed immediately.
Not all the customers you deal with are beginners. Some of them know the rules of the game, others don’t. They are generally willing to cooperate as long as you give them enough good reasons to do so. You know from experience that if you push them to order earlier than expected, you will have to offer them extra benefits and this will result in a (extra) discount on the price, a commitment on delivery time, larger quantities for the same price, a promise on future orders… There is no shortage of ideas and creativity. However, if the margin on a deal is too low, it will contribute to reducing the attractiveness of the results on the market. How to solve this problem, which sometimes takes the form of a dilemma?
A « little voice » tells you to proceed as follows:
1) You pick up your phone and call your client to make an appointment. The sooner the better.
2) A few days before the meeting, you call back and tell your customer that, in view of the good relationship you have with him/her for years, you would like to warn him/her. Your company has asked you to announce a price increase, which is not pleasant for anyone. When you mention a 25% increase, the reaction is immediate. « It’s a scandal! »; « It’s unconscionable! »; « You put me in a very uncomfortable position »; « If this is how it is, I’ll have to cancel all current contracts »… Expressions of anger and threats follow one after the other, so that you suggest that she let the information decant and discuss at your next meeting, the best way to find accommodations, a way to deal with the new situation, even compensations. You suggest that he/she tells no one else about it until you have met, which the person agrees to do.
3) The day of the meeting has arrived. You greet your contact and ask how he/she is doing. He/she tells you that everything is very bad and that he/she does not know how to tell his superiors this bad news. He/she repeats his disappointment and annoyance. He/she does not hesitate to reiterate his threats to seek an alternative from your competitors, while admitting that it would be very expensive for his company to find equivalent products and services, to test and approve them and that he/she needs your help.
4) You show understanding, empathy and tell that you have also thought about the most appropriate way to deal with the new elements. You explain that since your phone call, things have changed a little bit and that you have some news that will calm things down. You end up telling that the increase will not be 25%, it will be 8%. You add that to obtain these conditions, the order will have to be placed, very quickly, within 10 days.
Note that this « egocentric » manipulation can also be used just to pass an increase in price more easily, regardless of the objective of getting an order within a specific time frame.
If we compare this technique to « fear and relief », we will see common grounds. However, the underlying principles are different. The « door-in-the-face » is essentially based on two universal principles: reciprocity and contrast. As a reminder, reciprocity acts by creating a sense of debt that leads to a need to return to balance. Imagine yourself having lunch with an acquaintance. At the time of the bill, she tells you that she is inviting you. How do you react? If you’re like 60 to 70% of the people I’ve been meeting for more than fifteen years, you’ll tend to announce, after a « thank you », that you’ll invite the other one next time.
In our example, going from 25 to 8% is seen as a concession, that is, a gesture that can be considered as a gift that calls for compensation. One (or more) preparatory action(s), in this example, an excessive announcement, then a retreat to a more moderate announcement that triggers the universal principle of reciprocity.
As a reminder, it is the sensation of debt that leads to a need to return to equilibrium. Going from 25% to 8% is seen as a concession and triggers the principle of reciprocity which can lead to compensation. Acceptance, when it takes place, is easier and quicker. In any case, there is a reduction in the level of difficulty in bringing about partial or complete adherence.
The other principle at play in the « door-in-the-face » technique is contrast. To understand this, imagine the following situation. You are wandering through the streets of a city centre at the time of a the sale season. You’re looking for a pair of XYZ sunglasses and hoping for a good deal. After visiting a number of stores during the afternoon, you decide to buy this pair of sunglasses on sale in the shop in front of you. When the sales person gives you the price of 150€, a great deal, you remember that less than an hour ago you saw the same pair of glasses in another shop for 125€. This forces you to walk 30 minutes back and forth. What do you do? Let me guess? You walk half an hour to save 25€.
Now imagine the following slightly modified situation. You are strolling through the streets of a city centre at the time of the sale season. You are looking for an ABC watch and hope it will be on sale. After visiting a number of shops in the afternoon, you decide to buy this watch on sale in the shop in front of you. When the sales person gives you the price of 2500€, a great deal, you remember that less than an hour ago you saw the same watch in another shop at 2475€. This forces you to walk 30 minutes back and forth. What do you do? Let me guess? You don’t waste half an hour to save 25€.
Would the first €25 be worth more than the next €25? No, of course they wouldn’t. It’s a question of contrast.
Let’s take another example of the application of the « door-in-the-face » technique. You have just turned 18. For this occasion, your parents have organized a small party and among the guests is Joel. You have been dating him for 2 years and have been waiting for the most appropriate moment to introduce him. He is two years older than you and works. You watch him from the corner of your eye and notice that your father is in big conversation with him for part of the evening. Operation successful, from your point of view.
A few days later, you are at the table and the discussions are going well. At the moment you think is the best one, you talk to your parents and tell them that you want to move in with your boyfriend. This is a disguised request for permission because you don’t express it clearly. The reaction is fuzzy. « It’s out of the question. » « You’re too young to live with a boy. » « The fact you’ve just turned 18 doesn’t mean you’re an adult. » « For us, you’re still the little girl ». « And he has no steady job, so no income that would allow you to live comfortably ». « When we were your age, we hardly dared to admit that we had a girlfriend or boyfriend ».
At that point, you pull out the heavy artillery and show your acting talent. At first, you play the role of the abused child. You cry out for scandal, for incomprehension. You call them intolerant « old fools » who understand nothing and live in the Stone Age. You even manage, at the peak of your art, to shed tears. Then, gradually, you decrease the intensity of your reaction. You continue to grumble, but in a gentler way, and finally you end up with a form of resignation. You pull your head, you grumble and then, while your parents expect the subject to be closed, you tell them that under these conditions, that they at least accept that you go away with him for the weekend.
There are many examples of the use of this egocentric manipulation. What can we do to avoid falling into this trap?
1) Identify the preparatory action(s), those demands that are so excessive that they lead to an almost immediate rejection
(2) Identify whether the preparatory act(s) is (are) performed by one our several persons. If it is the same one, the likelihood of being in the presence of the technique is higher.
3) If the time elapsed between the different requests is long, the probability that the process will be used decreases because to be efficient, everything must go fast enough.
4) Identify the link between these preparatory actions and the « reasonable » request that follows. Same area, same person.
5) Say no, if you do not wish to accept the request.
It is obviously easier to write it down than to apply it in everyday’s life. I can only encourage you to try. Even 1 trap avoided is already a way to take a step forward.
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